Conkers not conquered

A few weeks back I had a bit of a melt down. After nearly one year existing in UK Visa limbo land, I broke...went all Ai Weiwei on my life. I have been living in a straight jacket trying to play by the rules and pretend that I'm on an unfunded "Home Office Artist Residency" but even my extreme powers of optimism and positivity were put to the test on this one. On a walk during this time, I noticed a broken conker on the ground and held it so gently all the way home. It was broken into 3 parts, one half and two quarters to be exact. As a way to meditate through this tough moment I sat down to draw the seed and to my delight it returned me to a place of balanced thinking and calm. Sometimes things need to break in order to be reconfigured. In the case of the conker it's currently reconfiguring itself back into the earth. But in terms of life & relationships, we're constantly in a state of flux and it's necessary to keep moving with the tide and to keep changing alongside one another. I am now in a place of re-examining my parts, taking stock of my strengths and vulnerabilities and re-assembling myself into a more positive and beautiful version of the original. As our cells continue to die off and regenerate, we ourselves are becoming anew. I am not afraid of this. It gives me hope to move forward. 

The ending to this little tale is that I am now in possession of a small piece of plastic that says I can function again at full capacity in the UK, the place I choose to call home right now. In a time of great uncertainty, I breathe out my fear and exhaustion and breathe in possibility and joy. 

How wonderful that drawing can move me forward. Thanks for reading. Em x
Ps: This is what 'going all Ai Weiwei' looks like to the uninitiated..

Ai Weiwei

Dropping a Han Dynasty Urn, 1995